Thursday, December 24, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
sometimes it feels like life can be sorted into two categories: being immersed or being out of sorts. lately, i've felt like i'm a stranger to these parts. which makes me resort to acting and hiding.
this morning i had one hour to finish 4 pages for my early class and i was puking in the toilet.
as i was lying on the bathroom floor, suddenly covered in sweat i was calling out but i don't remember for who. i don't think i've ever looked so pale as my reflection did. luckily, it passed relatively quickly and i bullshitted my way through the rest of the paper and got on my way to class.
today, i bought myself a soft, thick brown towel. i have been using an old beach towel that i pretty sure i remember finding at cultus lake when i was nine. it is scratchy.
i like Lykke Li, you see and this is from Possibility.
So tell me when you hear my heart stop
You're the only one that knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There's a possibility I wouldn't know
Monday, November 30, 2009
Beth found this postcard at MCC a few months ago and I fell in love with it straightaway. Then, for some time, neither of us could locate it. The anxiety level in our room was quite high for the past couple weeks, let me tell you. Today, as Beth was searching for a picture of a boy with a trophy she stumbled across it and we both let out triumphant whoops of joy. Now, even if we lose it, or give it away, I can always come back to this point in time, when I put it up on the internet, in all of my infinite wisdom. It reminds me of my brother, a future planner of cities. Bruce, make em' like this.
I am doing a photo project on downtown Abbotsford and I met this man at the bus stop last Thursday and he was kind enough to let me take his picture. I just loved all the different patterns he was wearing, and his spider man hat. I will put up more from this project soon.
This is Jordan. He amazes me. And will soon be a new resident of Abbotsford. For this I am thankful.
And now, for some unrelated sentences:
The Canadian Government gave me a one thousand dollar gift the other day.
I went snow shoeing for the first time in my 23 years this weekend.
I want to start a memories journal.
Sometimes, I treat my friends quite badly.
Swimming two nights a week with Tessa is my favorite.
We had stuffed potatoes for dinner tonight. And roast beef.
I am going to buy a bike soon. Any tips? I have a 700 dollar budget compliments of the B.C Scrap-it Program. Those guys are the best.
My Opa is very, very sick and I'm scared.
Maybe, this summer, I'll go to India. Maybe.
Today words are not coming easy.
Lately, I have felt calm.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
she's friggen sweet and don't argue with me. i'd take comparisons to her any day. and denise wasn't afraid to wear HATS all the time. and big shoulder pads. and blazers. and baggy blouses. and etc, etc, so forth and so on. however, they didn't specifically say Denise. i was wearing my dad's old university sweater, a barely visible striped shirt and jeans, with red sneakers. i probably looked more like cliff, lets be honest.
the best part of this picture is cliff's sweater, admit it.
at the purchase of our second box of seasonal mandarin oranges, beth suggested we keep track of who eats the most.
i think beth's tally is around 6.
mine: 17+, but i lost track. i ate four today, but the days not over yet.
and i'm pretty sure i at the first box single handedly.
i am so ready to be DONEZO with school.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
here's the article from off labor rights website. sigh :
The Sweatshop Hall of Shame 2010 highlights apparel and textile companies that use sweatshops in their global production. Hall of Shame inductees are responsible for evading fair labor standards and often are slow to respond or provide no response at all to any attempts by the International Labor Rights Forum (ILRF), workers, or others to improve working conditions.
The official inductees of the 2010 Sweatshop Hall of Shame are: Abercrombie and Fitch, Gymboree, Hanes, Ikea, Kohl’s, LL Bean, Pier 1 Imports, Propper International, and Walmart. This list also includes an Honorable Mention to the American Apparel and Footwear Association, a national trade association representing apparel and footwear companies. This association has exhibited a flagrant disregard for workers’ rights by primarily focusing on maintaining trade with Honduras in the middle of a military coup.
Most of the companies listed employ laborers who toil for long hours under dangerous working conditions for poverty wages. When these workers attempt to form a union to voice their collective concerns, they face threats from management and risk being fired or even beaten. Many of this years’ inductees use suppliers that practice illegal tactics to suppress workers’ rights to organize. Some of the companies mentioned weave shame into their clothing by continuing to use cotton sourced from Uzbekistan where harvesting is accomplished through forced child labor.
Though this list highlights the most abhorrent of companies, they are certainly not the only offenders. They represent a mere sample of a global industry in which brands have persistently flouted the rights of workers for more than a decade.
I am eight pages deep in my art history term paper and all i want to do is crawl into bed with my Irish literature and eventually slip into peaceful sleep.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
also, i proposed that beth and i paint portraits of one another to hang above our beds. i am pumped to see the result. she is working on it currently. i will start later. we are awesome squared. i can be cocky on my own blog right? especially because only beth and i read this.
this morning we had communal breakfast and i was the first one there and i sipped on peppermint hot chocolate sitting on the couch in utter peace and contentedness for half an hour. i'm remembering, lately, to take stock of the moments. i have been recording them.
i went to my parents last night, as previously mentioned, and i don't think i have laughed so hard in ages. watching my dad trying to read the card as we played charades as a family for the first time was hilarious. him acting out 'rickshaw' was worth a belly laugh, and when we realized later it was supposed to be 'hacksaw' we laughed some moh. also, i have no inhibitions when playing with the fam, so i was going all out in the acting department - dropping and rolling, pulling my hair, linking arms with imaginary friends and skipping gaily down a path (yellow brick road).
also, i sang karaoke for the first time on friday night. in public, i fail in the performance category. but i can check it off my list of things to do, if i had one. i should make one. that will be on my list for things to do tomorrow along with:
-watch 'New Moon'
-finish Art History paper
Saturday, November 21, 2009
this afternoon i watched 'the queen' by myself in bed as it poured outside and grew dark frighteningly fast. the movie was paused multiple times by me as i simultaneously tried to read more about her on the internet, watch youtube clips, etc. quite the lady.
this is her. and this is her family tree, if you ever get confused. click that shit if you want to see it bigger.
tonight i came home from my parents relatively early and had grandiose plans of tidying up my room for some time and then heading into bed early with one of the books i picked up from hemingway's today.
instead i drew a giraffe with a red sharpie.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
"I look exactly the same."
"No you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all."
"If your so smart, how did I change today?"
"You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a -- "
"They did not!"
"Yes, they did."
"What else, you pig?"
"You got a little happier and a little sadder."
"Meaning they cancel each other out, leaving me exactly the same."
"Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Everyday you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you're the happiest and the saddest you've ever been in your whole life."
"How do you know?"
"Think about it. Have you ever been happier than right now - lying here in the grass?"
"I guess not, no."
"And have you ever been sadder?"
"It isn't like that for everyone, you know. Some people, like your sister, just get happier and happier everyday. And some people, like Bela Asch, just get sadder and sadder. And some people, like you, get both."
"What about you? Are you the happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?"
"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you."
-History of Love, pages 90, 91
Monday, November 9, 2009
however, i am not idle. not today. after a shower, i pushed our tumbleweed dust balls into a pile and swept them into the hovering dustpan. i did one load of laundry and folded in my chair while it was still warm. side note: posture is very important while folding. my upper back started to ache and i sat up a little straighter. i them dumped the contents of our wardrobe onto the bed and re-folded each item. second side note: by this time my back had started screaming. third side note: i am an old woman.
this is me schooling you in the organizational department.
that is a tiny wardrobe, folks.
i am so scared that i have lost my words. that they have been slowly trickling out as i sleep and i wake up every morning with less and less to say. that as the years shuffle by i will lose my drive to say things i have never said before. it is a struggle to even finish this thought because it has stopped short,in my brain, and the only thing prodding it on is my desperation not to accept this sad fact. my inspiration has sunk into the floorboards beneath me as i have walked above them - down the hallways, back up the hallways, my hand dragging along the drywall, skin cells slipping away. or maybe it has risen into the atmosphere through a sharp inhale from the cold, or escaped as smoke billowing in a heavy exhale while i am thinking on other things, or into these keys as the pads of my fingers rest on them, waiting, and forcing, words, and more words. or as i turn the key, my palm clutching the gear shift, i shift, shift-up, down, up, up, 3rd, 4th, 5th, down, down, down... it has fled from me during these acts, in these repetitions that have become my days.
or maybe these are the ways that i find it. and maybe it is a lie to believe that inspiration has an end. maybe.
i am looking in all the places i always look.
this new blog is an awful lot like my other blog.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
it is hallow's eve right now. 6:00. day light savings tonight. a nice time for a new beginning. i'm not just talking about the blog when i say that, although i am partly talking about the blog when i say that.
since this is the first entry, and there are all sorts of strings attached to such a thing, i will end it here.
p.s alfred hitchcock. come on! he's a genius.